I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
