My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
