do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
