thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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