dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Im part way to drunk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
