I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she looked like the before picture.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
