Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
