TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
