Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
