just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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