this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
