i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
