Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
