One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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