is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
