i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
