Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
