discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
