Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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