he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You dont lie about slip and slides
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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