cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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