I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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