i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
