my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
