between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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