I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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