we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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