Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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