I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
