If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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