I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Be still, my beating vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
