Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
