i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
