you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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