Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
