Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
how drunk are you?
Several
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
