the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
