Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
