she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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