would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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