New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
