my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
