I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
