btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
