I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We talked him into tasing himself.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
