If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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