She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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