He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're a waste of cheezeits
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
