I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
