Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
