I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
