Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
